Feb 13

I'm up at 4:30 a.m.
As I layed in the bed,I was reliving the phone call I received telling me your mom looks like shes not going to make. It was hard for her to breathe. I was trying to rush out of the court house. I was paying a friends ticket. I got in the car to go to mommy and the hospital called again and this time said; Your mom passed away. There was a pause. I said, Was she in pain? The nurse said no, she was with her when she took her last breathe. I told her I was on my way to not move her.

When I got there, a sick feeling came to me. When I saw her laying in her hospital bed, looking as if she was sleep,just as peaceful as she can be. I went to the hallway to try to get my thoughts together. I was pacing back and forth. I felt lost. The pain consumed my body and mind. I went into her room again and I layed next her. She was still warm. Embracing her. Smelling her night gown and hair. I felt like a baby that needed her mother.

I paused so much in typing this. I don't want to relive this.

I layed with her a couple of hours. The chaplain came in to pray and read Psalms 23...

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.



2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,


he leads me beside quiet waters,






3 he restores my soul.


He guides me in paths of righteousness


for his name's sake.






4 Even though I walk


through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]


I will fear no evil,


for you are with me;


your rod and your staff,


they comfort me.






5 You prepare a table before me


in the presence of my enemies.


You anoint my head with oil;


my cup overflows.






6 Surely goodness and love will follow me


all the days of my life,


and I will dwell in the house of the LORD


forever.

 They picked her up. I said, Bye mommy.
 
 And I was never the same.

Why is my mind torturing me with this.
Maybe its because I have to let it out.

God help me.
I miss you so much mommy.