SHE LOVED WEST SIDE STORY..WE GREW UP WATCHING IT. I LOVE IT.

Another Birthday Without You...

Another Birthday Without You
Its so hard to take in
One thing I thank God for
is that your pain has gone away

I love you so much mommy

and I will always long for your embrance

When I close my eyes to go to bed

I will feel your warm embrace

What hurts me the most is not being able to see you have happier days

I promise to live my life the way you always wanted me too

It's so hard without you but I know God loved you more

because God took the most precious thing I had

so that he could protect her from ALL.
I love you mommy
Cumpleanos Feliz

Mothers Day

I spent mothers day with my sister and brother. Which helped alot. Sometimes you have to be around the blood family especially when its a sad occasion. One thing me and sister realized is that if it wasn't for our mom,then we wouldn't be moms. It has its ups and downs,but we wouldn't trade it for nothing.

I realized that I not only miss her, but I realized that seeing her hurt and struggle in her life was hurting me because I wish I could have taken that hurt away. Now that I found the problem, now I can work on fixing it.
Fixing me that is.

Love you mommy.

My birthday..

My birthday is Sunday, April 11th and all I could think about is mothers day next month. Dreading it again. Not having my mother with me.

Support..Memory Walk

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Feb 13

I'm up at 4:30 a.m.
As I layed in the bed,I was reliving the phone call I received telling me your mom looks like shes not going to make. It was hard for her to breathe. I was trying to rush out of the court house. I was paying a friends ticket. I got in the car to go to mommy and the hospital called again and this time said; Your mom passed away. There was a pause. I said, Was she in pain? The nurse said no, she was with her when she took her last breathe. I told her I was on my way to not move her.

When I got there, a sick feeling came to me. When I saw her laying in her hospital bed, looking as if she was sleep,just as peaceful as she can be. I went to the hallway to try to get my thoughts together. I was pacing back and forth. I felt lost. The pain consumed my body and mind. I went into her room again and I layed next her. She was still warm. Embracing her. Smelling her night gown and hair. I felt like a baby that needed her mother.

I paused so much in typing this. I don't want to relive this.

I layed with her a couple of hours. The chaplain came in to pray and read Psalms 23...

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.



2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,


he leads me beside quiet waters,






3 he restores my soul.


He guides me in paths of righteousness


for his name's sake.






4 Even though I walk


through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]


I will fear no evil,


for you are with me;


your rod and your staff,


they comfort me.






5 You prepare a table before me


in the presence of my enemies.


You anoint my head with oil;


my cup overflows.






6 Surely goodness and love will follow me


all the days of my life,


and I will dwell in the house of the LORD


forever.

 They picked her up. I said, Bye mommy.
 
 And I was never the same.

Why is my mind torturing me with this.
Maybe its because I have to let it out.

God help me.
I miss you so much mommy.

She loved Jose Luis Rodriguez- El Puma,among others

Who she was..

She was a Doctor-She would take care of me when I was sick

She was a Chef- She created miracles out of what we had to eat

She was my Designer- She made my clothes when I was a little girl

She was my Provider- She made sure I always had a roof over my head,clothes on my back and food in my stomach

She was a Comedian- She made me laugh when she did a baby voice and when she spoke english because her accent was so heavy:)

She was a Dancer- She loved dancing to Salsa

She was a Singer- She loved Elvis Presley, Tom Jones, Neil Diamond,Larry Graham and
Jose Luis Rodriguez and often sang there songs around the apartment

She loved God- She went out almost everyday to pass out tracks

She was a Grandmother

She was a Great Grandmother

She was my Mother

My tears..

My tears won't discourage me from bringing awareness to this disease that killed my mother. I will never let my pain over power my Love for her.
I love and miss her so much.

I will cry with others that are hurt from this disease
I will comfort those that have to see their loved one leave slowly
I will cry to God to bless the scientist minds and hands to invent a cure
I will

I will make her name GREAT.

She was famous to me..

Her birthdays will be remembered and celebrated just like many great famous people. (August 20)She was famous to me. On the anniversary of her death,which is this month,I will spread awareness. If you are my friends, you would join me. Join my cause if you care.

My Cause

Click here to join the facebook "Cause" on Alzheimers.

How to Deal With Your Grief | eHow.com

How to Deal With Your Grief eHow.com

Feb 13th

On Feb 13th 6p.m. I have a special blog talk radio segment about my mom. Listen and support me.
www.blogtalkradio.com/riam

I have these moments alot..

Went to the store and an older woman came up to me to ask me for the time..I told her the time while tears were streaming down my face. She reminded me of mommy.


I hate this! I can't even speak about her without crying, or see someone that reminds me of her. I can't describe the pain.

Time is flying, but everything feels the same..

Its January already, next month will be 1 year that I'm without mommy. I thought it would be better by now,but I still have nights of crying, or standing in the line at grocery store and it just hits me. I fight to stay positive, because it hurts.